beginnings

photo (6)Days without expectations are turning out to be my favorite. No plans, just intentions – to go, to be – in the world. No pressure, just exploration.

Today’s intention was a walk around the lake – a trip – shared movement, time and conversation.

The trip starts with reflections on the simplicity and magic of childhood – the discoveries – movement of tree bark, the smell of roses, furry purple flowers and, the joys – reading before bed, touching and feeling your way through the world, laughter and lack of fear.

Then, a woman – a stranger – running towards us. Accusations fly – imagined insults, assumptions about truth, location, questions about methamphetamines and a request (or quest?) for salvation.

We glide through this unexpected stop and continue about simplicity.

The simplicity of not having options (and the perceived benefits of having them). A (soft) conclusion: more options, more doubt – a dulling of instincts and self-trust – the constant fear of what could be.

Then on to reality – what it looks like now, what it could look like, what it should look like. Can it be anything?

And time – will later ever come? can now be later? should now be later? how much time do we actually have?

And fulfillment – spiritual, material, professional, emotional – do we have to pick one? or can they all exist together?  is there a right way to get there?

And values – the things we find most important in life – priorities, the driving forces in our hearts – how we choose to live, what we’re living for.

Values, my dad says, have the biggest influence on human relationships and quality of life. Mismatched values can cause conflict, tension – matched values let you feel peace and grow. The goal then, is to the find balance – knowing the mismatches will always be there but recognizing them and creating an environment to reduce the tension and conflict – an environment where your own values won’t get lost and you can feel at peace.

I consider my own shifting values right now – as my world opens up and becomes more of a playground and less of a cubicle. I know creativity, simplicity and exploration are at the core of my values. I question how these are being reflected in my daily reality – and wonder what I need to do so I don’t have to question that at all.

I think about sharing values and reality – how big the world feels and how much better it feels to be in it with someone. How it feels to be inspired and unfiltered – knowing that isolation isn’t the only thing that feeds creativity – knowing that expansiveness can exist within- and how knowing all of this – knowing this peaceful, curious feeling, at my core – I know I’ll never be able to go back to a world that is anything less.

After one lap around the lake, our walk comes to an end but the trip – this journey through self, life, values, happiness, reality, fulfillment – the trip, has infinite laps to go.

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